When we first moved here, Brits were constantly asking me if we were "all settled." I was never sure how to truthfully answer them, so I just said, "yes." I was feeling like I was in the middle of a whirlwind filled with homesickness, excitement, hormones, sleepless nights, and of course adjustments to a 2nd baby and adjustments to a foreign and different standard of living.
I felt like I was always riding a wave of emotion. One moment I was in awe of the unique architecture and history surrounding me at all times. The next I felt overwhelmed by the differences and missing a sense of familiarity and belonging. Other times I was relishing the opportunity to visit places I had only ever dreamed about and then before I knew it, I was longing and aching for my past life and the comforts I took for granted.
But now, nearly 8 months later, I find that the giant wave has settled. The waves of change are starting to calm.
I no longer dwell on or think about the fact that we don't have a car. That's just how life is and we have our ways of making it work. I don't stress about running low on groceries without an easy way to get them. We just make it work. It no longer bothers me to find myself at home on a Saturday without a car. We just find other ways to get around, or we stay home. We just make it work. I don't think about not having a cell phone or a television or even closets. I don't think about the little "annoyances" like the faucet that sprays water with the strength of a fire hose because I now subconsciously react to it. I don't even think about the fact that we have to flip a switch on our outlets or that we have to lock our doors on the inside with a key. Taking two kids on public transport by myself is second nature and I don't even have to think twice about it. And I almost forgot to even mention the fact that we don't have a dryer (and no access to laundromats) because I'm so used to regularly doing laundry without one that I hardly think about it. The list could go on and on...
It's amazing what a little bit of time will do.
The longer I live (in my ripe 'ol 28 years), the more I find that I can find contentment, familiarity, and comfort in any situation I am in - eventually. Of course, the longer I live, the more I also recognize that change is constantly peeking around the corner and nothing lasts forever.
I don't know when the newest BIG wave will hit. It could be in a few months, it could be in a year. And I can't say that the ride will be easy because I'm definitely not to that point yet, but at least I know that eventually things will settle again for a time. And I know that the "ride" of change is made easier because of my faith in God and the times when I pause to recognize His hand in my life.
As I look to the uncertainties ahead in life, I can't help but think of a hymn written by Mary A. Baker:
Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o'ershadow with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threatening
A grave in the angry deep?
Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today;
The depths of my sad heart are troubled
Oh, waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o’er my sinking soul;
And I perish! I perish! dear Master
Oh, hasten, and take control.
Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest;
Earth’s sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven’s within my breast;
Linger, O blessèd Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more;
And with joy I shall make the blest harbor,
And rest on the blissful shore.
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o'ershadow with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threatening
A grave in the angry deep?
Refrain
The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will,
Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea,
Or demons or men, or whatever it be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean, and earth, and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, be still! Peace, be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!
Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea,
Or demons or men, or whatever it be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean, and earth, and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, be still! Peace, be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!
Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today;
The depths of my sad heart are troubled
Oh, waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o’er my sinking soul;
And I perish! I perish! dear Master
Oh, hasten, and take control.
Refrain
Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest;
Earth’s sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven’s within my breast;
Linger, O blessèd Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more;
And with joy I shall make the blest harbor,
And rest on the blissful shore.
Refrain
No matter how crazy life becomes, no matter how difficult changes or situations feel, I know that "the Master of ocean, and earth, and skies" is not only in control, but He cares. And that gives me peace.
But for now, I'm enjoying the undoubtedly temporary, but relative calm.
1 comments:
I have to lock my house with a key from the inside, too. More times than I can count we've been locked inside until I can find the keys. Or we just stay home all day.
I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone.
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