"Don't Grieve Over The Cherries..."

"...enjoy the pineapple and mangoes."

Lately I've been letting myself get a bit sad.

Not that I'm really sunk into a deep depression at the moment, but over the past week or so, I've been thinking (dreaming...longing, even) of our home in Texas, but more importantly, in the United States.

You know how often when you look back on life, everything is viewed through rose-colored glasses? Well, the past is looking VERY rosy right about now.

Sometimes I'm even DRAWN to inflicting the "pain" by wasting time reminiscing and looking through pictures from the not-so-distant past. Seemingly inconsequential photos bring me on the verge of tears.

For example, washing the car.

Oh, our car. Oh A car! Oh, to HAVE a car! Oh, I MISS my car! I could get out and about and around! And it was big! Big! It could hold all of us AND groceries! (Not to mention the fact that I actually knew HOW to drive there!)

Or, viewing a photo (WITH Nathan sitting next to me, mind you) of a grinning Nathan sitting on our couch with his friend, Caleb. While viewing it, Nathan says in a confused voice, "Caleb?" Then adds, "Playing with Caleb?"

I can feel my eyes stinging.

I think about how Nathan must have been such a HAPPY little boy back then to have his friends. (Umm...he's still happy NOW) And how he ALWAYS shared and NEVER cried and was SOOOO happy and perfectly social and NEVER quiet or scared. (haha, yeah right). I think about our couches (plural) and how they were sooo comfy and how now they are gone. Sold. I will never sit or lay on them again.

Or, looking at ANY photo of ANY of us in our kitchen.

Oh, the pretty tile floor, without gaps and years of gunk in the corners! Oh, the BIG refrigerator - IN the kitchen. The fridge that held TONS of food. Oh, and our chest freezer. Oh, to have food on hand, at home. Not having to go grocery shopping (on foot) practically every day in order to keep food on hand. Oh, our sink. Our BIG sink with two deep sides that made doing dishes heavenly (haha, heavenly?). Oh, our island. Room to cook and clean to my heart's content. And don't even get me started on all of my kitchen appliances, dishes, pots, and pans!

I think of the SPACE. The SIZE of our house. The SIZE of our living room. The open floor plan. Room to run around and do cartwheels if I wanted! I think of the age of the home. Built in 2001, in good shape, easy to keep clean (this is rosy, remember), etc. etc. I think of our yard, our vegetable garden, all of those things that we no longer have... And don't even get me STARTED on the washer and dryer!

I think about how my sister, Darcie, had JUST moved to Austin and JUST had a baby. About how my brother, Dan, and his family had recently moved to Arkansas ("only" an 8 hour drive away). FINALLY I had family nearby. I think about how easy it was to fly around the country to visit family. Of how often I would call my sisters or mom to just chat, while I waited for Jeff to get home or whenever I was out on a walk.

I can't do that anymore. And it's hard.

I think about my friends, Nathan's friends. I think about our neighborhood and how close many of our friends lived.

The list could go on...and on...and on. And some days, it does.

Today while I was feeding Christopher, I picked up a book and found a quote that I thought was fitting.

"Don't grieve over cherries. Enjoy the pineapple and mangoes."

This is a quote by Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley, late wife to the past LDS Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinkley. At one point, one of their daughters lived in Hawaii and was missing the fruit that grew in her parents' yard back in Utah. Sister Hinckley responded, "Don't grieve over cherries. Enjoy the pineapple and mangoes."

There are a million things that are different about living here. I don't even think I could BEGIN to explain it all here.

But with every difference comes, just that, a difference - something else. And even though the "cherries" may not be in my backyard, there are plenty of fresh "pineapples and mangoes." I don't doubt that one day I'll even be pining for my life, friends, and memories in England.

I've said it before on this blog, and I'm SURE I'll say it again - "The only thing constant in life, is change."

If we think the way things are is permanent, we are fooling ourselves. Time has a way of passing, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes we get too comfortable, not realizing that everything can, and sometimes does, change in a moment. Or not realizing that one day this moment, this situation, will just be a memory. Sometimes we get discouraged -foolishly thinking, with our limited perspective, that some things matter more than they really do.

And maybe, like SO many things. It's just another one of those lessons that we must learn over...and over...and over again.

It's hard not to look back in the face of change and long for the seeming "stability" that we trick ourselves into THINKING we once had. And the past IS important - Lessons learned, memories made, our very character created.

But we also need to move forward. And begin searching for the pineapples and mangoes.