Becoming

I heard a quote at church today that I really liked.


“Do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle.” - President Thomas S. Monson

The quote really hit home to me right now. And really, I think it probably applies to most any stage of life that we are in.

Currently for me, there are days when I feel overwhelmed by my current life situation. Days when living in a foreign country, with two boys 3 and under, without a car, without family nearby, without many friends, and while 7 months pregnant, just feels plain overwhelming and hard. There are moments when I am pushing my boys up a hill in the rain and my body aches and I'm moving at a snail's pace and I just want to give up because I feel like it is too hard. Moments when I know that, although it would be nice to have a friend show up and offer us a lift "just then," I know it won't happen. I'll admit that there are many times I absolutely LONG for America. A land where I understand the medical system. A land where I have family and friends and a car and an American-sized fridge! I tell myself that life would be so much easier with a car or with this or with that. But right now that is not my life. And those things are not an option.

I love the idea of praying for "abilities equal to your tasks." I've heard this idea presented in other ways as well. The whole idea that instead of trying to change our circumstances all of the time (because quite frankly some things in life can't be changed, no matter how much we want them to), we work on changing ourselves. And this quote is even more poignant because it talks about changing ourselves with the aid of prayer.

One of my friends from Texas wrote the following quote on her blog a few weeks ago: Elder Richard L. Evans wrote, “It is not the usual purpose of prayer to serve us like Aladdin’s lamp, to bring us ease without effort. Prayer is not a matter of asking only. It should not be always as the beggar’s upturned hand. Often the purpose of prayer is to give us strength to do what needs to be done, wisdom to see the way to solve our problems, and ability to do our best in our tasks."


I feel that these two quotes really go hand in hand. We all will have times in our life when we will WISH for instant relief from suffering or instant solutions to problems. But life doesn't always work that way. There are some experiences that we simply have to face head on. And oh, how much easier it is to face those difficulties WITH the Lord. He wants us to succeed! And, as the poem I referenced in an old post says, "My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me...Oft times He weaveth sorrow and I, in foolish pride, forget He sees the upper, and I the under side. Not til the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly, shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why. The dark threads are as needful in the weaver's skillfull hand, as the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned."


Everything that we experience is making us who we will become. But it is up to us how we will let our experiences shape us.

Snapshots and Differences

It's been a while since I've REALLY written on this blog. I've made a few comments here and there, but I haven't really felt motivated to write much. I've been going through some struggles the past year and I guess I haven't really felt like writing about anything.

But lately I have been thinking about something that I'd like to put into words.

I've been thinking about change. I guess I write a lot about change on here. I guess you could say that one of my mantras is "the only thing constant in life is change."

Lately what I have been thinking about is how quickly life changes, even though it feels like it often feels like it is going to be the same forever. And not just that it changes quickly, but that it can change quite drastically. I've been thinking about my life and the changes that have happened between where I am now and where I was even 4 years ago. And the 4 years before that.

Eight years ago, in early 2004, I was 21 and finishing up the last year of my bachelors degree studies as part of the "infamous" Junior Core of the Accounting Program at BYU in Provo, Utah. I had applied (or was about to apply) to the integrated Master program and planning on staying in school for two more years to complete it. I planned on earning a minor degree in Information System and had this plan in mind to work for small companies, designing their Accounting Information Systems. Funny enough I had no desire to work in public accounting and absolutely no desire to work for one of the big four global accounting firms. I wasn't dating anyone and had actually had a really rough school year when it came to dating, probably my worst since I started dating at 16! I was really lonely in my current apartment, even though it was a killer set up and ended up deciding to move in with an old high school friend that spring to a cramped and more expensive apartment that didn't have a washer and dryer (I'd always managed to find nice condos with washer and dryers included). I was working at the BYU library (had been for nearly 3 years at that point) as an accounting clerk making less than $10 an hour, but feeling well paid. I was supporting myself and living comfortably, if on a student budget. I didn't own a car and walked everywhere.

Four years ago, in early 2008, I was 25 and working at the large, global accounting firm Ernst & Young, LLP, on the fast track to becoming a tax manager in the Austin, Texas office. I took business trips to Chicago and was studying to earn my CPA license, which I later received. I was working long days, billing 70-80 hours each week. I was learning a lot and loving the challenge and feedback. I was serving as a counselor in the Relief Society Presidency in my ward and I was pregnant with my first child, having what I thought at the time was a pretty typical pregnancy. Jeff and I owned our first home, which was only a few years old and was situated on a large lot, in a quiet culd-e-sac, backing a greenbelt. Our house was around 2,200 square feet, not counting the two car garage. It had 2 1/2 bathrooms, three bedrooms (one of which was a ridiculously massive master bedroom suite), a dining room, kitchen, pantry, living room, and an office. And that was just for the two of us! Well, the 2.3 of us! We lived comfortably and made a really good and comfortable income between the two of us. In may ways, we were living the "American dream" and it kind of felt like everything was in place to just keep going up and up and building on the foundation we had. Jeff was working on his PhD (or maybe it was still his Master degree at that point) and we were both working toward our future careers and padding our resumes. We were car owners, but decided to make do with one car since we both worked downtown.

As I think back to those "snapshots" in my life, I remember feeling like the daily grind and the experiences I was going through were somewhat permanent. I knew life would change, but it was hard to really see beyond where I was in my life at that moment. Also, in both instances, I had certain plans and expectations about how life would be in the future. I knew I didn't really know a lot about specifics, but there were certain things I was planning for.

But life isn't stagnant. We pass through phases and enter new ones. The years pass by. We age. And, there are choices that we make in life. Choices that can cause us to go down a different path than the one we seem to be on. There are also outside influences that can unexpectedly alter the plans we have made for ourselves. Over the past four years, I have experienced both of these things and I know that life will continue to change, even when it the cycle of my days sometimes feels so permanent.

Currently, in 2012, I am 29 and live just outside of London in the United Kingdom. I am a mother to two little boys and am 6 months pregnant with my 3rd baby. My pregnancies are not and never will be "normal" thanks to complications from my first pregnancy. I've been married for just over 6 years to my husband, Jeff, who I have no known for nearly 8 years. I no longer work for a paycheck and only loosely use my accounting skills to do our yearly taxes, answer friends' questions, and do our personal budget. We live in a rented semi-detached house that is around 800 square feet in size. We don't have an office or a dining room or a pantry or a lot of other things we used to have. We don't have a car. We don't have a dryer and I hang our washing on the line or on a drying rack inside. We sold a good chunk of our possessions when we moved here and have already used most of the equity from our house as part of the international move. We live comfortably (but perhaps only because my definition of that word has changed) and money is tighter than ever before, though we get on fine. Jeff is continuing his work toward his future career and mine is "on hold" as I have made certain sacrifices to take a "career change" to raise our children.

As I think about and look over these snapshots of the present and the past, I can't help but think how drastically different my life is in each situation, especially now. Sometimes it's mind boggling to think just how incredibly different my current life situation is to where I was only four years ago. Back then I wore heels and fancy clothing. I talked to CFO's and controllers about their companies. Now I wear jeans and tennis shoes and chat with other mums about their child's sleep patterns. Back then I lived in a spacious, almost luxurious setting when compared to my current home. Now I live in much more "modest" circumstances. Back then, my time was "my own," even when I was working long hours. Now, as a mother, my time is always on reserve. Back then I took for granted the fact that I lived in America. I never expected to leave. Now I've been able to see and do things I never imagined and my perspective has been forever altered by experiences I have had living here.

As I look back over these snapshots, I can't help but realize that the girl experiencing each of those "lives" is not the same, at least not completely. My life experiences have changed me. But at the same time, the girl in each of those situations are also all...ME.

And do you know what? I kind of find it exhilarating that I have been able to experience so many drastically different things and life situations. In some ways, it may seem depressing to see changes that have occurred over the years and paths that have been diverted, but I actually feel grateful to be along for the ride. Life is a testing ground, a hands on experience at learning. I don't know if anyone ends up where they expected to when they set out. And, as I mentioned before, even though phases or situations might feel permanent, they never really are. Life is constantly changing in good ways and in sometimes difficult ways.

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.” - Orson F. Whitney, quoted by Spencer W. Kimball, in Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 98

That quote focuses on hard times, but even the good experiences we have change us and make us who we will become. Life is not stagnant, it is ever changing. We are ALL moving through life - changing, growing, learning, and becoming. Nothing is permanent.

I Love This

I just got home from a great Stake Conference. The Stake President gave a great talk and one of my favourite parts was a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley that I've heard before. I definitely think it's worth repeating and speaks for itself. It's definitely something I've seen around me a lot and even within myself that I'd like to work on. Sometimes I'm really good at it and sometimes I'm not. I think it's always a good reminder. I think President Gordon B. Hinckley and his wife were amazing examples of this:

"I try to read newspapers, two or three a day. I sometimes read the columnists. I occasionally listen to commentators on television and radio. The writers are brilliant. They are men of incisive language, scintillating in expression. They are masters of the written word. But for the most part I find their attitude is negative. Regardless of whom they write about, they seem to look for failings and weaknesses. They are constantly criticizing, seldom praising.

And this spirit is not limited to the columnists and the commentators. Read the letters to the editor. Some of them are filled with venom, written by persons who seem to find no good in the world or in their associates. Criticism, faultfinding, evil speaking—these are of the spirit of our day. From many directions we are told that nowhere is there a man of integrity holding political office. Businessmen are crooks. Utilities are out to rob you. Everywhere is heard the snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates. Sadly, these are too often the essence of our conversation. In our homes, wives weep and children finally give up under the barrage of criticism leveled by husbands and fathers. Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, sometimes a catalyst that leads to failure. In the Church it sows the seed of inactivity and finally apostasy.


I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my father would say: 'Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.' "

What Have I Done for Someone Today?

A few months ago, I was blog hopping before bed and I came across a post by a woman I don't know who started "A kindness a day project" in May of this year.  Here is what she said about it:

"So, this is how it’s going to work. I’m going to do something nice for someone (friend, family, neighbor or complete stranger—doesn’t matter who) every day for a month. It doesn’t need to be something big. It can be as simple as making a conscientious effort to smile at someone, holding the door open for someone or just making one of my kids their favorite dinner one night. We don’t have millions of extra dollars laying around our house, so I’m going to make an effort to not necessarily have money play a big part in this—although it may play a little part."


As I read through her post and also some of the later posts that talked about what she had done each day, I was really inspired by the idea of actively making sure that you do something for someone. If I remember correctly, one of the things she did one day was even as simple as spending a little extra time with a child that wanted her attention.

The past few months have been very emotional and difficult for me for many reasons. I think it is normal to have ups and downs in life - to have times when life is smooth sailing, and times when life is a bit more rocky. But I do think that, in my experience, the best way to help myself see the "light" when I am struggling, is to think of others. In fact, it is the generally the only way.

Tonight I have also been listening to various Conference Talks as I have been copying posts from my family blog for our records. Two talks in particular really struck my fancy. The first is by Elder Uchtdorf, entitled "Two Principles for any Economy."  He talked about the importance of work and told a story about his family struggling to get their feet back on the ground in post war Germany. He said, "It wasn’t easy, but the work kept us from dwelling too much on the difficulties of our circumstances. Although our situation didn’t change overnight, it did change. That’s the thing about work. If we simply keep at it—steady and constant—things certainly will improve."


He further continued, "Work is an antidote for anxiety, an ointment for sorrow, and a doorway to possibility....When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration. President Thomas S. Monson put it this way: 'It is not enough to want to make the effort and to say we’ll make the effort. … It’s in the doing, not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals. If we constantly put our goals off, we will never see them fulfilled.' "



The other talk I was listening to that really prompted this post was by President Thomas S. Monson and is entitled, "What Have I Done for Someone Today?" He starts by telling a story about a man whose father used to ask his family around the dinner table each day to relate what they had done for someone that day. He says of the man, "Dr. McConnell calls this exercise his father’s most valuable legacy, for that expectation and those words inspired him and his siblings to help others throughout their lives. As they grew and matured, their motivation for providing service changed to an inner desire to help others."


President Monson goes on to say, "The Savior taught His disciples, 'For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.' I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives."



He adds, "...President David O. McKay made this statement: 'Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.' Often we live side by side but do not communicate heart to heart. There are those within the sphere of our own influence who, with outstretched hands, cry out, “Is there no balm in Gilead?”


I am confident it is the intention of each member of the Church to serve and to help those in need. At baptism we covenanted to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.” How many times has your heart been touched as you have witnessed the need of another? How often have you intended to be the one to help? And yet how often has day-to-day living interfered and you’ve left it for others to help, feeling that “oh, surely someone will take care of that need.”

We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the “thick of thin things.” In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.

Many years ago I heard a poem which has stayed with me, by which I have tried to guide my life. It’s one of my favorites:I have wept in the night
For the shortness of sight
That to somebody’s need made me blind;
But I never have yet
Felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind."


Then President Monson started listing numerous acts of service that had been done and recorded by members of the Church to present to him as a birthday present. It's really a great talk and motivating to hear of the outpouring of love and Christlike service to others, even in simple ways. It's really all about taking the time to look a little outside of yourself and think of someone else. Some of my favorites included:

One small child wrote, “My grandpa had a stroke, and I held his hand.”
Another, “I played with a lonely kid.”
From a 4-year-old boy, no doubt written by a Primary teacher: “My dad is gone for army training for a few weeks. My special job is to give my mom hugs and kisses.”

Such simple acts of kindness, but at the same time, so meaningful to the individuals who both gave and received the service.

Hearing these two talks again reminded me of the blog post I read those months ago about the kindness a day project. When I first read it, I felt the desire to do something similar, but I kept putting it off, thinking I could wait until the beginning of a new month or wait for this or that until I had forgotten all about it. Well, it is almost the end of the month, but I'm not going to wait until November 1st. I want to begin tomorrow, no even today.

I truly do have a desire to be more Christlike and I truly do feel compassion for others. But as President Monson said, although it is often my intention to do things, I don't always follow through. I've been blessed to have many friends and family members in my life who have been great examples of service. Even as I was copying over my old blog posts this evening, I found a post about my friend, Anah, who made blue and pink cupcakes for me at a playdate the day I found out if baby #2 was going to be a boy or a girl. It was something so simple, but also so thoughtful. If she had thought of it, but not followed through, I never would have known. But she DID do it and it meant a lot to me. I also like the quote from President Monson that Elder Uchtdorf gave (above) about it being in the DOING, not just the THINKING that we accomplish our goals. And so I want to start now, in little ways. 


In President Monson's talk, he also talked about countless Primaries that made it a goal in their primaries to do kindness for others. Since I am currently the Primary President in the ward and we have a new year coming, I wonder if I can incorporate this somehow. But for now, I'm going to start with working on ME.

I want to end this post by quoting some more from President Monson's talk:

"The words from the 25th chapter of Matthew come to mind: 'Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.


Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.'


My brothers and sisters, may we ask ourselves the question which greeted Dr. Jack McConnell and his brothers and sisters each evening at dinnertime: “What have I done for someone today?” May the words of a familiar hymn penetrate our very souls and find lodgment in our hearts:

Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

That service to which all of us have been called is the service of the Lord Jesus Christ. As He enlists us to His cause, He invites us to draw close to Him. He speaks to you and to me: 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.' ''

A New Perspective

Sorry this post is really random and terribly written. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but can't articulate well.

Yesterday I saw this link on Facebook. Although the selected images are probably carefully selected and perhaps focus on extremes, I found the project very thought provoking.

Living in a foreign country has started to really open my eyes in regards to the concept of culture and the things we "assume" as normal or expected. Even though the UK is a developed country and not a 3rd world county, there are many MANY differences that have been shocking to me to discover, but totally normal for people here. In addition, through my travels around Europe, which have been rich in history (even prehistoric), I've started to view my life in a totally different light.

Being raised in America, I tend to focus on the ideal of the "American Dream" and all that it entails.  I tend to think of myself as frugal, but as I've expanded my global view, my understanding of needs versus wants has changed dramatically. I think that the culture and lives that we experience right now in developed countries is, in many ways, drastically different from how people lived only a few hundred years ago. Viewing the link above, I can't help but think of the things we spend money on - the appearances we try to keep up through nicely matching accessories, decor, and table settings. Those things are nice and well, but I wonder if we realize just how luxurious they are.

Looking at some of the images in that link really hit home for me. They images portray children's bedrooms around the world. I couldn't help but think back to Nathan's nursery when I was preparing it for his arrival: The time I spent making modge-podged letters and wall hangings; the matching bedding and carefully selected paint colors. I also think of my children's rooms in our home now - even just the fact that they each have their OWN room, no matter how "small" it seems to my American standards.

Also, as I looked through the images, I couldn't help but think about the way those bedrooms portrayed the way each child would be molded and begin to see the world. It made me think a lot about the material blessings I have been blessed with. I always considered my family materially "poor" growing up, but the longer I live and the wider world view I gain, the more I see just how "rich" we were. First, I started to realize that we were truly blessed with "rich" relationships, but now I'm starting to also understand how "rich" we were materially.

It is so easy for me to forget the blessings I've been given and to take things for granted. It is so easy for me to focus on what I don't have and what I "think" I need. It's so easy to have expectations about comforts for the future. It's easy to think that I've "earned" certain things based on the things I have done in my life. But as the link I referenced reminded me, so much of who I am today is because of the opportunities and experiences I had placed before me.

I also can't help but think about the similarities that we all have throughout human history and also around the globe. My experiences here (both in a historical and worldwide sense) have helped me contemplate what unites us as a human family. I've started to try to tear down the walls of "culture" and try to ponder on what is at the core of each one of us. It's something I'm still thinking about and discovering, but it's definitely changing my perspective about a lot of things.

Thinking

Lately I've been thinking about how "normal" life is starting to feel.

When we first moved here, Brits were constantly asking me if we were "all settled." I was never sure how to truthfully answer them, so I just said, "yes." I was feeling like I was in the middle of a whirlwind filled with homesickness, excitement, hormones, sleepless nights, and of course adjustments to a 2nd baby and adjustments to a foreign and different standard of living.

I felt like I was always riding a wave of emotion. One moment I was in awe of the unique architecture and history surrounding me at all times. The next I felt overwhelmed by the differences and missing a sense of familiarity and belonging.  Other times I was relishing the opportunity to visit places I had only ever dreamed about and then before I knew it, I was longing and aching for my past life and the comforts I took for granted.

But now, nearly 8 months later, I find that the giant wave has settled. The waves of change are starting to calm.

I no longer dwell on or think about the fact that we don't have a car. That's just how life is and we have our ways of making it work. I don't stress about running low on groceries without an easy way to get them. We just make it work. It no longer bothers me to find myself at home on a Saturday without a car. We just find other ways to get around, or we stay home. We just make it work. I don't think about not having a cell phone or a television or even closets. I don't think about the little "annoyances" like the faucet that sprays water with the strength of a fire hose because I now subconsciously react to it.  I don't even think about the fact that we have to flip a switch on our outlets or that we have to lock our doors on the inside with a key. Taking two kids on public transport by myself is second nature and I don't even have to think twice about it. And I almost forgot to even mention the fact that we don't have a dryer (and no access to laundromats) because I'm so used to regularly doing laundry without one that I hardly think about it. The list could go on and on...

It's amazing what a little bit of time will do.

The longer I live (in my ripe 'ol 28 years), the more I find that I can find contentment, familiarity, and comfort in any situation I am in - eventually. Of course, the longer I live, the more I also recognize that change is constantly peeking around the corner and nothing lasts forever.

I don't know when the newest BIG wave will hit. It could be in a few months, it could be in a year. And I can't say that the ride will be easy because I'm definitely not to that point yet, but at least I know that eventually things will settle again for a time. And I know that the "ride" of change is made easier because of my faith in God and the times when I pause to recognize His hand in my life.

As I look to the uncertainties ahead in life, I can't help but think of a hymn written by Mary A. Baker:

Master, the tempest is raging!
The billows are tossing high!
The sky is o'ershadow with blackness,
No shelter or help is nigh;
Carest Thou not that we perish?
How canst Thou lie asleep,
When each moment so madly is threatening
A grave in the angry deep?

Refrain

The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will,
Peace, be still!
Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea,
Or demons or men, or whatever it be
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean, and earth, and skies;
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, be still! Peace, be still!
They all shall sweetly obey Thy will,
Peace, peace, be still!

Master, with anguish of spirit
I bow in my grief today;
The depths of my sad heart are troubled
Oh, waken and save, I pray!
Torrents of sin and of anguish
Sweep o’er my sinking soul;
And I perish! I perish! dear Master
Oh, hasten, and take control.

Refrain

Master, the terror is over,
The elements sweetly rest;
Earth’s sun in the calm lake is mirrored,
And heaven’s within my breast;
Linger, O blessèd Redeemer!
Leave me alone no more;
And with joy I shall make the blest harbor,
And rest on the blissful shore.

Refrain

No matter how crazy life becomes, no matter how difficult changes or situations feel, I know that "the Master of ocean, and earth, and skies" is not only in control, but He cares. And that gives me peace.

But for now, I'm enjoying the undoubtedly temporary, but relative calm.

Faith

There are certain experiences in life that become defining moments. Moments that rock your world so much that you’re left a completely different person. But we are each left with the decision as to what sort of person we will become.

One such period of life for me was my health issues during my pregnancy with Nathan and the subsequent delivery and recovery.

Another has been our experiences relating to our move to the UK.

I don’t feel like I can pass by this period of time without writing a few of my thoughts. My experiences have strengthened my testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as my belief in God and His plan for us. As we read in Proverbs 3: 5 – 6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

A year ago, Jeff and I were living in Austin, Texas. Jeff was working hard to finish his PhD in August, we owned a large home, and I was pregnant with our second son, due in June. Although I had many friends and felt comfortable with our life, I always knew that we would move to wherever Jeff’s job would take us and had no problem imagining it could be anywhere - in America. We knew our summer would be busy, but hoped to have several months to adjust and recover to each life change. To get ready for life after graduation, Jeff started to apply to various positions for full-time work.

One of the positions that caught his eye was with the University of London’s Royal Veterinary College. Jeff’s advisor in Texas urged him to apply. Although we had never considered living abroad nor expected to, we decided that we had nothing to lose and so Jeff went ahead and applied. Jeff ended up being selected for an interview, but we still weren’t sure if it was something we would be interested in and knew that preferential treatment would be given to a member of the EU. Jeff was flown out in March and, obviously, the interview went well. We had less than a week to decide whether or not to accept the offer. During that time, we tried to find out everything we could about the cost of living, the culture, health care, transportation, living conditions, and life in general in the UK.

Ultimately, we came to an impasse. We could spin our wheels forever trying to LOGICALLY decide whether or not it was the correct choice for us. But we knew that logic could only take us so far. We turned to the Lord in prayer and put the matter into his hands. Both of us felt that for whatever reason, the UK was to be the next stop on our journey.

Still, there were many unknowns. How was it all going to work out? What about the baby? I had a very complicated pregnancy and recovery with my first son and I had fears and concerns about how my second pregnancy and delivery would go. I also wondered how our family would adjust to another child. What about our house? The U.S. housing market had crashed and we wondered if we would be able to sell it and how much we would be able to get from it. We knew the equity we had in our home would be crucial as we planned an expensive international move. What about graduation? The position started at the beginning of July and Jeff would have to work long hours and really push himself to get everything wrapped up in order to graduate several months earlier than planned. Any of these events on their own would be overwhelming. Why were we doing all of them together? What about our belongings? Where would we live? Would we be able to afford to live there? How long would the passports and visas take? How would it all work out with the birth of a new baby? The list went on and on…

In Ether 12:6, we are taught: “And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”

We all have times in our lives (sometimes large, sometimes small) where we just can’t figure out on our own how something is going to work out or why.

Thomas S. Monson taught “… Faith precedes the miracle. It has ever been so and shall ever be. It was not raining when Noah was commanded to build an ark. Two Heavenly Personages were not yet seen when Joseph knelt and prayed. There was no visible ram in the thicket when Abraham prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac. First came the test of faith, and then the miracle.

Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other. Cast out doubt. Cultivate faith. Strive always to retain that childlike faith which can move mountains and bring heaven closer to heart and home.”

We had no idea how things were going to work out. We didn’t know how long it would take to sell our house or even if we would. We didn’t know whether or not I would have major complications after the birth of our second son. We didn’t know what we were going to with our possessions. We didn’t know how we’d find the time and energy to prepare our house for the market and show it when we had to move the listing date up significantly and had so many other things going on. We didn’t know if our visa applications would go smoothly or how long it would take after Christopher’s birth to get his passport and visa. We didn’t know the details of God’s plan for us, but we knew the direction we should be heading.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “In faith we plant the seed, and soon we see the miracle of the blossoming. Men have often misunderstood and have reversed the process. They would have the harvest before the planting, the reward before the service, the miracle before the faith. … Many of us would have the vigor without the observance of the health laws, prosperity through the opened windows of heaven without the payment of our tithes. We would have the close communion with our Father without fasting and praying; we would have rain in due season and peace in the land without observing the Sabbath and keeping the other commandments of the Lord. We would pluck the rose before planting the roots; we would harvest the grain before its planting and cultivating.“

It’s much easier to have faith or confidence in something if we can see the end result, but that isn’t faith.

President Kimball adds, “The exercising of faith is a willingness to accept without total regular proof and to move forward and perform works. “Faith without works is dead” [James 2:26] and a dead faith will not lead one to move forward to adjust a life or to serve valiantly. A real faith pushes one forward to constructive and beneficial acts as though he knew in absoluteness.

“We pray for enlightenment, then go to with all our might and our books and our thoughts and righteousness to get the inspiration. We ask for judgment, then use all our powers to act wisely and develop wisdom. We pray for success in our work and then study hard and strive with all our might to help answer our prayers. When we pray for health we must live the laws of health and do all in our power to keep our bodies well and vigorous. We pray for protection and then take reasonable precaution to avoid danger. There must be works with faith.”

So once we felt the confirmation from the Spirit to accept our position here, we moved forward, taking a GIANT step into the dark. I can’t say that my faith was always unwavering or that my patience and trust was or is absolute at every moment. I can’t say that our journey over the year has been easy or smooth. But I know God was and is in the details.

Prior to interviewing with the RVC, Jeff and his professor decided to try to speed up his graduate work so that he could be done before our baby was born in June. We had no idea that finishing early would also be crucial to a new position. In addition, after several meetings with our real estate agents in anticipation of moving in the late summer, they felt it would be better to list the home earlier in the year and so we started working to get it ready to go to the market. All of this happened before we had even heard about the position he know holds. Even the timing of my pregnancy seemed perfect. Of course it made for a busy and stressful summer, but I can’t imagine what it would have been like if Christopher had been due a month or two later than he was or if he had been born several months earlier when there was so much to be done in preparation for our move.

In an article, titled, “The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing,” Richard G. Scott said, “Even if you exercise your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you. He loves you to a depth and completeness you cannot conceive of in your mortal state. Indeed, were you to know His entire plan, you would never ask for that which is contrary to it even though your feelings tempt you to do so. Sincere faith gives understanding and strength to accept the will of our Heavenly Father when it differs from our own. We can accept His will with peace and assurance, confident that His infinite wisdom surpasses our own ability to comprehend fully His plan as it unfolds a piece at a time.”

As we continued on this LONG, TIRING, EXHAUSTING journey, every step we took was into the dark. There were so many details to work out and we were constantly wondering how things would work out. But little by little, the path was illuminated. After hours of exhausting work, our home was placed on the market. Amazingly, (although it felt like FOREVER at the time) ten days later we were under contract with a buyer. Our baby was born via C-section 8 days early. I hadn’t wanted a C-section, but that extra time became a life saver. My recovery was infinitely smoother this time around and I was blessed with physical strength I couldn’t have imagined as the two of us spent weeks of long, long, long days getting everything ready for our move. Jeff’s dissertation and defense went smoothly and he was able to finish on time. We were blessed with the help of family members and friends in unexpected ways – and on more than one occasion, when we had reached a point where we didn’t know how we were possibly going to get everything done and time was short.

Along the way, there were more bumps than I can even begin to describe here. It was hard, scary, stressful, and beyond exhausting. And, just because we are here, our journey isn’t over. But God’s hand was and is in the details. Looking back, I can see how over time, things fell into place. When Jeff flew to the UK to start work, he didn’t know a soul, didn’t have a place to live, we didn’t even have a bank account here. We now have a comfortable flat close to a park, the grocery store, the Children’s Centre (which we didn’t even know existed!), and the bus stop that takes us to church. I’ve been able to see firsthand how our previous service in church callings has prepared us for the callings that we now hold, in ways I would not have expected. We have been blessed to meet and make friends through circumstances that are far too coincidental to be coincidences.

The concept of faith preceding the miracle, doesn’t mean the road is going to be easy or effortless or even necessarily smooth. But as we look back, it’s amazing to see the way Heavenly Father blesses us in our lives. As I’ve taken the time to reflect on this most recent experience with our move here, I’ve been touched as I’ve considered the many, little miracles that helped us along the way. Choices in life may not always make logical sense, but once we have felt the Holy Ghost urging us onward and we step forward in faith, we have been promised that “all things shall work together for [our] good” (D&C 90:24).

In a BYU devotional titled, “Tragedy or Destiny,” Spencer W. Kimball (then a member of the quorum of the 12) said, “We know so little. Our judgment is so limited. We judge the Lord often with less wisdom than does our youngest child weigh our decisions. … God controls our lives, guides and blesses us, but gives us our agency. We may live our lives in accordance with His plan for us or we may foolishly shorten or terminate them. I am positive in my mind that the Lord has planned our destiny. ... Sometime we’ll understand fully, and when we see back from the vantage point of the future we shall be satisfied with many of the happenings of this life which seem so difficult for us to comprehend.”